Why is it that when we become a Mum we can suddenly start to feel guilty about almost anything?
Did you know that, 68% of Mums feel "Mum guilt" at least once a day!*
But is this really necessary and should we really be just accepting that Mum guilt is part and parcel of being a Mum?
I don't believe we should be thinking it's OK and normal to be feeling bad about ourselves on a daily basis.
So let's uncover what Mum guilt is, when it's useful and when it's not and how to get over the unhelpful guilt.
Mum guilt comes about when reality doesn't meet our expectations. We have beliefs about what a good mother is. And we have beliefs and expectations of ourselves and the type of mother we will and won't be.
So when we don't meet our own expectations or when we feel others may think we're not what we want them to think we are, we feel guilty.
Mum guilt is an emotion with purpose. It keeps us focused on being the Mum we want to be for our children. It's a helpful guide to keep us on track. It's useful as a little prompt to ourselves when things don't go well.
Like when you lose your patience with your children and you don't handle a situation as well as you'd like to. It's good to notice that and have a think about how you can do better by your kids next time.
But it's not useful if we're letting Mum guilt run riot and become a stick to beat ourselves with.
We shouldn't be letting our Mum guilt start taking control of how we feel about ourselves.
If you are:
your own worst critic,
thinking negative thoughts about yourself often
saying negative things about yourself out loud
comparing yourself to others
trying to be a perfect Mum
believing you need to be super mum
Mum guilt has too much of a hold over you!
It's time to:
1. Ease up on yourself.
Think about why you feel guilty.
Act on what comes up, if you need to, and only if you need to.
And then let it go.
2. Treat yourself as you do others.
Be kind to yourself and practise self compassion.
Remind yourself that no on is perfect.
3. Think about what you need
Often, when we find ourselves losing patience with those we love it's because we've been neglecting ourselves or just pushing ourselves too hard.
So have a think about what you need for you to show up as the Mum and partner you want to be.
Less is often more.
How can you do less so that you can actually be more yourself?
For example, an easier dinner so that you can sit and relax and watch a movie with your family or go for an evening walk with a friend. Or get hubby to have breakfast with the kids so you can read a book or listen to a meditation.
Because when we're meeting our own needs and making time to do the things we love to do, is actually when we have the most love to give our families.
Try that theory out today! What can you do for you today so that you feel amazing once you're back with your family.
Do let me know how you get on.
If you're not sure where to start with this, I'd love to help you, so I've created the Mama Cocoon relaxation and reflection evenings online.
The Mama Cocoon includes:
Meditation (5 mins)
Outline of the first of the six steps to exploring Who You Are Now You're a Mum and where you are on your journey into Motherhood - your Matrescence (10 mins)
Journaling questions relevant to the first step of matrescence and private time to think and reflect (10 mins)
Discussion around the first step of matrescence for those that feel called to share and chat (30 mins)
More relaxation techniques to help you wind down for a great nights sleep (10 mins)
The Mama Cocoon is a great way to create connections and bonds with a group of like minded Mums. We can learn from each other ways to feel good in motherhood, feel more connected and bonded with ourselves as well as our families.
Find out more about it here
Wishing you all the best in motherhood,
Take care, Rebecca
*https://www.goodto.com/family/mum-guilt-4212