Why we’re set up to feel not good enough as Mums!
I came into motherhood wanting to give it my all.
It had taken me a long time to become a Mum and finally I was.
I was super excited and determined I was going to be a great Mum.
So I found it really hard when I couldn’t live up to the expectations I had of myself and that motherhood didn't feel quite how I expected it to!
I thought I’d:
Find it easy to be a Mum
Always know what to do to soothe my child
Be able to and want to do it all - the feeds, the changing, cuddling, playing
Still have the energy to do all I did before - socialise, work, keep up with my friends and family on the phone
Always want to put my child first
Still have the energy and drive to look after my partner too
The fact I didn't made me feel really bad about myself!
I didn’t really think about the fact that we’ve been programmed since we were little about what it means to be a Mum by society and the media.
We've been told we can have it all and do it all. But I've learnt from studying to become a Mama Rising faciliator that it's just not possible.
We can't live up to the super mum and perfect Mum stereotypes. It's too much!
Many Mums wear themselves out trying though! (That's another blog!)
Our society today doesn’t acknowledge the huge shift we go through.
It's a big transition to become a parent.
It's even got a name! It's called Matrescence!
We really need to be warned as new Mums that it’s a lovely time and a hard time. Because it is both! And we shouldn’t feel guilty or bad about ourselves because it's a fact.
We're not alone in feeling this way.
There's nothing wrong with us.
It’s OK not to love every minute.
It’s OK to have time away from your children.
You’re not just a Mum. You’re a whole woman. A whole person!
You have needs that must be tended to as well. You have to prioritise yourself along with your child. You have to look after yourself and your child. You need to eat and drink and sleep too. They are your most basic needs.
These needs are much more important than having a tidy house and getting all the things on the To Do list done. Because by tending to those needs you can be the best Mum to your child and the best partner too.
A hangry, (hungry, and angry), woman is no fun to be around and by putting yourself last all the time you can start to feel resentment towards your partner and others and resentment is not good for relationships.
So to protect your relationships and your health and wellbeing you need to do what you want and need to do too in order to avoid feeling frustrated, angry and resentful. And that means more than just meeting your basic needs!
You need time to be an individual too...
....and to feel connected to others that you love beyond your child and your partner.
That's how we thrive rather than just survive.
So what can you do that you love?
If you're finding it hard to achieve that It’s essential you work out what is stopping you from doing so. Because this time in our life is precious and we all deserve to enjoy it to the full.
Get clear on your thoughts, beliefs, stories you’re telling yourself, so you can work out what's holding you back from doing the things that really make a difference to how you feel day to day.
What do you think you need to help you enjoy motherhood more?
I'd love to help you work out what you want and need now so you can be the mum and woman you want to be and Feel Good in Motherhood ✨